These Locos Kick Your Butt...

I saw Short Circuit a few times as a kid, and that's still one of the only references I can remember.

Moving on...

THE BUTT KICKERS

In my last post covering the Concrete Breakfast Gang, I talked about how there was no real story to tie the Savage Mondo Blitzers line together.  You just have to make up your own, which is fine with me.  I also mentioned how some teams just felt like good guys to me, while others just felt like bad guys.  The Butt Kickers feel like bad guys.  Snot Shot and Gun Runner don't really have that "hero look" (although Snot Shot does have a certain Toxic Crusaders thing going on).  Cleat Meat is the only one that doesn't scream villain to me, but just like Barf Bucket is a good guy because the rest of his team is, I guess Cleat Meat is a villain because he's one of the Butt Kickers.

SECRET WEAPON

I only had a few Mondo Blitzers as a kid.  My younger brother had a birthday party and we gave each kid who came two Mondo Blitzers in their goodie bag.  My other brother and I showed up (naturally), so we got goodie bags too.  Secret Weapon was one of the figures he got.  So while he wouldn't otherwise be that special, he's always been one of THE Mondo Blitzers to me.  The figure itself looks like an alien with a laser blaster and a pointy tail.  He's called Secret Weapon, so there's got to be more to him than the blaster.  I always just took it as a given that his tail was a stinger, and maybe he can turn invisible too.  He's got a bit of a hammerhead shark look to his face, and anyone that knows me knows I'm a sucker for a hammerhead.  There's also something about him that says "cyborg" to me.  Like he was designed to be a secret weapon, went rogue, and set out on his own.  He doesn't look like your typical cyborg, but that's how I see him.

GUN RUNNER

As a normal-sized gun, Gun Runner would be pretty dangerous.  I never saw the Mondo Blitzers as having varying scale, so Gun Runner is one big-ass pistol (unless all the Blitzers are small, which they're not because there's human Blitzers).  If he were to shoot you, there wouldn't be a lot of you left.  There's no flesh wounds with Gun Runner.  On the cardback Gun Runner is shown with something that looks like an antenna sticking out of his head, yet the figure itself doesn't have it.  I'm not sure which look I prefer.  

On one hand, Gun Runner could have been a mindless drone controlled by someone else (Secret Weapon, perhaps?), but the lack of the antenna makes him a unique character all on his own.  Maybe you could have it both ways.  He started out as a drone in Secret Weapon's arsenal and gained his own personality when his antenna was severed.  Why does he stick around on the team?  I guess thinking for yourself doesn't mean you stop acting like gun.  And guns are bad.

Oh, and I've always just assumed that Gun Runner has to pull his trigger to fire.  Picture it!  It's hilarious.

CLEAT MEAT

Cleat Meat feels like the odd-man out on the team.  The Butt Kickers have an alien with a gun, a slime monster with a gun, and a robot that IS a gun.  Cleat Meat has no gun.  He's just a lunky, chunky football player.  On the other hand, he's the only member of the Butt Kickers that would likely be doing any kicking.  Cleat Meat also looks human at first glance, but he's really more of a near-human than anything.  He's probably a mutant.  He's got the body shape of an ape and four-fingered hands, where some of the other human Blitzers look like regular people.  Maybe that's why Cleat Meat is a villain!  He could have been shunned as a mutant freak by the regular humans, so he joined up with a group of alien misfits to control those they view as weaker than them.

Yeah.  That works.

 SNOT SHOT

Snot Shot is one of the better looking figures in the series.  He's some kind of mutant alien booger.  Well, that 's probably not true.  He's gooey, but he's purple, so I don't think he's made of snot.  He does seem to be oozing some kind of mucous though.  I always figured that the tanks on his back were implanted into his body, and it processes and shoots the slime that his body produces.  If Cleat Meat was shunned by humans, Snot Shot is shunned by EVERYONE.  Because, he's gross!

I haven't touched on the boards that the Mondo Blitzers ride yet.  To me, that's all they really are.  Just boards that they ride into battle.  Some make more sense than others (why does Shark Bait need a to ride a surfboard and a... "mondoboard"?.. at the same time?).  Snot Shot seems like he could slide along the ground pretty quickly on his own slime.  His mondoboard looks slimy though (even if it is silver slime).  There's a number of mondoboard sculpts spread throughout the line, and someone was paying attention when they gave Snot Shot a slimy one.  They could have just been random, but they're not (at least not in this case).  That's a nice touch.

Two teams down!  Seven to go!  Throw in a few extras and I'm just getting warmed up!