Thursday, 15 November 2012

Concrete For Breakfast? Mondo!

Ah, the early 90's!  Never was there a better time to be a scummy, slime-covered mutant (or a fan of similarly gross toys).  Back then, if it was weird, wild and neon, I wanted it.

Some things never change.

The Savage Mondo Blitzers are awesome.  If I had to choose, Mondo Blitzers would be on my list of top 10 all-time favorite toys.  They're the weird toys that got me into weird toys.  The Ninja Turtles had their freaks, but there's just something about the Mondo Blitzers.  These are like the mutant hybrid of TMNT and Hot Wheels.  They just have this attitude.  With names like Barf Bucket, Loaded Diaper, Bad Fart, etc., these are rude dudes.  And there's a TON of 'em!  In fact, there's so many that I'm going to cover the line in a series of posts, just so I can get around to everybody.  I'll be doing them a team at a time, so every character gets his moment in the spotlight.

Might as well start off with some breakfast.  It IS the most important meal of the day, after all.


There was never a storyline that tied the line together, but I always pictured a Biker Mice From Mars type of story where these alien mutant freaks are using Earth as their battleground.  Some characters were heroes and some were villains.  I didn't even put much thought into who was good or who was bad (or more bad and less bad).  Certain teams just gave me a feeling that they were good or evil.  I always saw the Concrete Breakfast Gang as good guys.  I mean, Shark Bait and Knight To Dismember don't look like villains at all, Metal Head could go either way, and Barf Bucket...  Well, he's a good guy because he's on the team.


Shark Bait (ooh ha ha) is one of the most normal-looking of the Mondo Blitzers.  He's just a blonde surfer dude (a must-have for any early 90's toy line).  He's got some wicked coloring though, and easily holds his own amongst the other weirder characters.  The two-toned wave he's surfing on goes beyond what one might expect on a tiny figure like this.  The green surfboard, the red trunks, and the blonde hair combined with the wave all make for a bright figure that really just pops and shines.  He might not be a freak, but he's still mondo gnarly.


Just like any self-respecting early 90's toy line needs a surfer dude, every self-respecting early 90's toy line needs at least one character named after heavy metal or rock n' roll.  This guys takes things more figuratively, though.  If Shark Bait is the human in the story that befriends the mutants and the freaks, Metal Head is the alien robot that wants to be more human (and you know, also loves rock n' roll).  He's a razor-toothed tornado of whirling buzz-saw destruction.  He also looks like a terrifying robot chicken.  Hey, I've heard of those before!


Another of the more heroic-looking Blitzers, Knight To Dismember is cool, but he could have been even better if they just left him alone.  He's got a big nasty morning star which seems intimidating enough, until you look at it more closely.  It just looks... off.  Well, that's because it's upside down.  The cardback clearly shows him with the mace pointing down.

I'm not sure why they changed it, but the cardback version looks right.  Instead of doing an overhead smash like the card shows, KTD now looks like he's going to...  What?..  Jab you in the head?  I still like him overall, even if he'll always feel somewhat incorrect to me.  On the other hand, it gives him a weirdness factor that he wouldn't have had otherwise, and weirdness is right at home in this line.


If you took a hyena, a buffalo, a rattlesnake, and some apples, blended them up into a brown goo, drank the goo and puked it back up, you'd have Barf Bucket here.  Okay, I'm sure that's not his origin story, but he's a nasty piece of work.  All those parts are in there too.  He's got the basic shape of a hyena, the fuzzy back of a buffalo, and a rattlesnake tail.  And he seems to be fond of apples.  He's also quite flat when you look at him straight on.  Maybe if he didn't barf so much he's be a little thicker.  I don't know how he'd fit into a Mondo Blitzers story, but I've already stated that to me, he's a good guy.  He's the crazy one that runs headfirst into battle, claws slashing, teeth gnashing, and guts spewing.  He also looks like he's quick to laugh.  I figure it pays to have a sense of humor when you're Barf Bucket.

You know what?  Turns out I love writing about Savage Mondo Blitzers as much as I love collecting them.  They're just so... mondo.  And there's still a lot to cover!

Ooh, a '91 Kenner!  That's a nice vintage.


  1. I think a "razor-toothed tornado of whirling buzz-saw destruction" is gona have a hard time with his desire to be more human! He's really gona have to work on that handshake...

  2. Well, the best things in life are the ones you have to work hardest for. I'm not sure, but I think it was Metal Head that coined that phrase.