Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Let's Crunch Some Skulls!

In my last Savage Mondo Blitzers post (The Mondo Of The Mondo), I said that only the Scars and Spikes Gang and the Dudes of Disaster got to have two characters represented in the card art.  Well, that's true, but The Skull Crunchers actually have three members in the card art.  That's only one character short of the whole team.  And it makes sense (as far as my storyline for Mondo Blitzers is concerned), because they're my main villains.


The Savage Mondo Blitzers storyline I've been working on (pretty much only in my head) over the years has gone through various revisions, but The Skull Crunchers have always been my main baddies.  I don't know what it is that sets them apart from the others in the evil department, but as soon as I saw them on the card back, I knew they were villainous scum.


I've never seen any one of The Skull Crunchers as the big bad main villain.  I always assumed they served some unseen evil menace.  However, out of the four of them, Bad To The Bone held the highest rank.  He was the second-in-command to whoever the real bad guy was.  I pictured him as somewhat bumbling, and maybe a coward.  He's got a sense of humor though; I always thought his figure looked like he was smacking his butt, all taunting-like.  His figure's also covered in green highlights, which kinda looks like maggots all over his body.  He's even got sculpted skull sutures on his head, which is a nice touch on such a small figure.  His skull face is featured prominently on the card art with his screaming, flying head containing the name of the carded Blitzers team in his mouth.

Bad To The Bone is always ready for his close up

I'm always up for a skeleton figure, and Bad To The Bone is pretty much what you'd expect.


Fat Ax joins Bad To The Bone in the card art, but he doesn't seem to be fairing much better than his skeletal teammate.  He's getting cracked on the chin by Kiss My Bat's baseball bat (which I suppose is better than losing your head).  Weak chin aside, Fat Ax lives up to his name.  He's a thick-headed road warrior type with a really big axe.  I don't know if I'd call it "fat", but I wouldn't want to be on it's business end either.  I've always seen Fat Ax as a moderately competent henchman who sees himself as being more dangerous than he usually is.  He's kinda like Beast Man from Masters of the Universe.  He has his moments, but there's always someone else serving his master that poses a more serious threat.


Like this guy.  Pork Chopper is the final member of The Skull Crunchers featured in the card art, and he seems to be the only Cruncher holding his own.  Fat Ax gets a baseball bat to the chin, Bad To The Bone LOSES HIS HEAD, but Pork Chopper shoots Tyrannosaurus Ax in the mouth.  Granted, T-Ax looks less than fazed by the injury, bat at least Pork Chopper's doing something!  It's kind of ironic that two of The Skull Crunchers on the package are getting their skulls crunched.

I know I've shown this pic before, but it's classic 90's card art and I love it.

Pork Chopper has a bit of a military look to him, which makes me think he was once a soldier on his home planet before he became a mercenary.  His brutal body of work caught the attention of "The Villain" (who ever he is) who added Porky to The Skull Crunchers to give them some extra muscle (and brains - don't believe the stereotypes, pigs are pretty smart).


Roach Kill is the only member of The Skull Crunchers not featured in the card art.  It kind of makes me picture Roach Kill as more a stealth fighter than a brawler like the others.  He'll sneak up on you while you're crunching the skulls of his teammates and blast you in the back with his four pistolas.  He's one dirty-fighting cucaracha.  Looking at Roach Kill's face head-on makes him appear... somewhat deformed.  It would be easy to assume he's another crazy freak character, but I see it more as a testament to how tough he is.  He's been maimed, probably even crushed, but he's nearly impossible to kill.  Just like a real cockroach, he's practically invincible.  But unlike a real cockroach, he's sporting some totally boss 90's neon colors!

Roach Kill has black hands a plum colored feet.  I've always thought it looked like he was wearing creepy little shoes...

Gah!  I've covered half of the Savage Mondo Blitzers sets already!  It's all downhill from here (as in the spotlights will go faster, not get worse - most likely).


  1. Yay, skeleton guy! Okay, add that as a fourth in terms of favorites. Also: FAT AX. If I were in charge of him I'd use any excuse I could to say his name over and over. FAT AX, get over here! FAT AX, get that guy! FATAXFATAXFATAXFATAX

  2. Four favorites! You've got yourself a Mondo Blitzers team! I'm still only halfway done though. Who knows? Maybe you'll get two teams, or a deluxe team of 8.


    As you were.